I apologize for all the mean thoughts I had about women who work out in the "Women's Only" room at the gym

So like a lot of people I am back in the gym at this time of year.  Not because I made a new year's resolution--I didn't make any.  I'm in the gym again because honestly, I am SUPER TERRIFIED of getting fat.  So yeah, I'm working out again more out of fear than anything else.  There are secondary goals as well...but they're not for public consumption.

Anyway, today marks my second day on my new 4-Week Hard Body Workout Plan courtesy of Women's Health Magazine online.  And after being away from the gym on a consistent basis for so long, I have a new appreciation for the "Women Only" room that some gyms boast as an incentive for women to join the gym.  In a previous life when I was a semi-gym rat and yoga buff and started a fitness blog, I scoffed at the idea of a Women Only room at the gym.  Why would women need a separate room, away from all the man candy strutting around the gym floor?  Away from all the new equipment and weights? No mirrors?  The Women's Only room was, in my mind, only for women who don't know how to work out.  For fat women.  For sloppy, fat women.  For lazy, sloppy fat women... who don't know how to work out.

Fast forward to Monday, 1/16/2012, around 12:00pm.  Me, in my new work out pants, with my Hard Body Workout plan downloaded to my iPhone and my earbuds in, bumping Drake, or Jay & Kanye or whatever I was listening to.  Fresh off the treadmill for my cardio warm up,  I strut down to the free weight area--you know the area with the mirrors and workout benches and men in muscle shirts lifting weights they know are too heavy for them?  Right, there.  I set up my incline bench, grab a couple sets of dumbbells, and go to work.  12 reps later I'm wishing, hoping and praying for a Women Only room at my gym. My gym doesn't have one.

So there I stayed, among the brawny (not too sexy, thank God) men, trying to disappear from sight as I struggled through the first day of my workout plan. Headlights turned all the way on.  Ankles betraying me throughout each set of lunges.  Sweat marks appearing in places where "the sun don't shine."  Weak-ass push-ups and all.  I looked terrible.  I'm fairly positive no one was looking at me.  If any man dared to look at me, I'm sure he immediately looked away because the whole scene was awkward and just unpleasant.  But of course I couldn't leave the area--too much pride for that.

I will say I felt good to finish the workout.  After completing the first day, I could tell I'd be committed.  But I also understood why women crave the shelter of the Women Only room.  In all my prior gym-ratness I failed to realize that sometimes we (women) look like s%#! at the gym.  That thought had never occured to me before.  And women never like feeling like they look like that.  We (I) like to preserve the appearance that everything we (I) do is effortless (humor me please).  And sucking wind in front of everyone at the gym is the safety pin to my life preserver....  So to all of my lady readers who frequent the Women Only room at the gym, I apologize for all of the mean things I thought about women who work out in the Women Only room at the gym.  I see why you do....

But alas my pride--and my gym membership--won't allow me to partake in the hiding place that is the Women Only room.  So I need to get in shape quick.

Two workouts down, 10 more to go.

Remember how in middle school they told you you'd use math in real life?

...or maybe they told you that in elementary school? But whatever.  When isn't important.  Don't worry about it.

The point is, just when I thought I'd proven my 6th grade math teacher--who I blame for my ineptitude in math to this day, and who I, as an 11-year-old, boy-crazy mean-girl utterly despised --wrong by not ever using math at all in real life (except when I still count the number of months or years that have gone by on my fingers...)...Alas mathematic equations come in handy for today's blog post.

The Equations of Life

While running (jogging [with a soft "j" [thanks]]) outside at Hanes Park today  this evening after work, my mind wandered and somehow stumbled upon the following simple yet highly relevant mathematic equations that I believe will shape my life for the next....month/year/[insert other duration here].

***NOTE:  This is the point in the elementary/middle school math assignment when you pull out your 3x5 flash cards--neon colored if you're as awesome as I was as a kid--and furiously scribble these equations on individual cards.  Yes.  This will be on the test.  Commit these to memory.***

Ready? Set! Go!

1. School > Work.  This true no matter what type of job you have. Period.
2. Learning > Doing.  The learning process brings about the ultimate level of satisfaction.  Once a fact, procedure or theory is "learned" it loses all importance.  Therefore, always endeavor to be engaged in learning.
3. Outside > Inside.  This equation is not absolute in that, there are certain and specific (limited) situations where inside is better.  Those specific and limited circumstances are not, however, referenced here.  So, for all intents and purposes, any activity that can be done outside should be done there whenever possible.  This possibility, of course, is non-existent when the temperature outside is below 59 degrees.
4. Serious < Silly.  Being serious is necessary at times.  Even appropriate at times.  Yet, being silly is magnitudes better than being serious.  Endeavor to be silly as often as practicable.  Regardless of whether others are amused (unless the "others" can fire you from a job that you'd like to keep).  Be silly.  Never apologize for it.  Or if you have to apologize, do it much later, by saying "I'm sorry you're not as silly as I am."  
5. Toddlers > Teenagers.  Toddlers are amazing.  Like, they are the best kids ever.  Fact. I love toddlers.  I also love kids under the age of 12.  Between 12 and like...19--it's really hit or miss.  But I digress.  Toddlers are where it's at.
6. Music = Supreme Happiness.  This equation is but a truism.  It needs no explanation.
7. Tattoos >>>>.  No. This equation is not incomplete.  This is just a fact.  Don't listen to people who tell you that when you're old you'll regret it.   You wont.  Unless you're a moron and tattooed sponge bob on you or something like that.  Then maybe you'll regret it.  Most likely though, you'll just have an ever-present reminder of the person you were when you opted to let someone engrave your skin with needles and ink in the name of art, individuality (LOL) and personality.... or why-ever you got them.  
8. Self-love = All other love.  Loving yourself is the key to loving life, and is the root from which you gain the ability to ever love another person in any substantial and lasting manner.  If you cannot accept yourself as you are, how will you ever accept another person?  If you are unlovable even to yourself, how can you expect to be lovable to someone else?  Endeavor to love yourself the way you hope to be loved by someone else. 

... Ok. Pencils down.  And for those of you whose math teachers were < than mine:

> "Greater than"

< "Less than"

 Square Root

= "Equals"

And there it is.  Math in real life.  

 

 

Hand Stands and Splits

...it's not what you're thinking.  

After too long of not doing much of anything to keep my mind and body in a state of peace and tranquility (and fitness), I recently went back to the gym and *praise dance* to YOGA!  Oh Namaste how I've missed thee.  For any return guests, you'll remember--or I'll remind you--that I was smitten with this little hippy yoga studio back in the day when I was a law student just trying to make it out into the real world.  Well, I got an UNLIMITED pass to this little place for March and found an AMAZING Monday night class.  

I get that you might not be able to appreciate the wonderfulness that is yoga if you're not a wanna-be hippy like me...or if you've never done yoga.  But this class is so legit.  For the last two weeks I've walked out of there feeling taller, lighter (mentally) and, dare I say, more limber?  

Last week we used this strange wall contraption...

 

...and this week we practiced hand stands and splits.  I'm definitely, probably an inch taller.  Don't worry about it.

SN: Was looking for pics of splits and found these:

    

I NEED TO LEARN THESE.  I think I will practice these before bed.

Side SN:  I legit looked for pics of black yogis... but apparently I'm the only black person who does yoga?  

Anyway doe... I'm back on this "sick body" thing, so you may be seeing more from me soon.  Hopefully it will be interesting.  Potentially it will be personal...maybe...probably not.  But I mean, there will probably be pics of me...and what I eat... and women's body's that I want... so I mean check back and see?

k bye..

I wrote a poem. Wanna hear it? Here it goes...

There was once a girl who renounced swine

And stopped eating meat of all kinds

But when her aunt proffered

The girl ate was offered

Now she feels like her stomach's entwined

[in a knot]

The moral of the story: People who don't eat meat SHOULD NOT EAT MEAT. Never.  No matter how good it smells or looks or even tastes. Never. Just. Don't. Do. It.  Seriously.  It's so not worth it. Seriously.

Ok. That's all I had to say.  Been living the sedentary lifestyle this week so I have no good tidings of Sick Bod info to recite.  Right now I just feel sick. BLAH.

Endorphins are a beautiful thing... or "Random Thoughts While on the Treadmill"

I've had a busy day today.  Exercised my mind and my body.  Mind: Too long studying Civil Procedure--everything goes back to the beginning; and when I say beginning I mean 1L year.  Right.  Body: 4 mile run--ok jog--on the treadmill.  And yes that distance on the treadmill is generally excruciatingly boring on any normal day.  But on today, this evening, June 1, 2010, that run was less boring since the earlier 10 hours of my day were spent exercising my mind as above referenced; Mind exercise generally requires sitting still and silent.  Right.  And now I'm feeling full of energy, which I owe all to endorphins.  And because of that, I will share with you my random thoughts while sweating it out on my 4 mile run...jog...whatever.

Random Thoughts While on the Treadmill

• Why are there so many men using elliptical machines? Aren't those really for women? (They are in my book.)
• How come most of the men in here are shorter than 6 feet; and a large portion of them barely 5 ft?*  Is it only short(er) guys who want to be buff?
• Damn, the women in here look better than the men--fitness-wise at least.**
• Except wait, why are all of them orange?  Maybe having a tanning bed in a gym is a bad idea.
• So, what time do all of the attractive people work out?  Clearly it's not now.***
• This gym is actually jamming with its music; too bad it's not loud enough.  [puts headphones back on]
• I am way too siced that wheel of fortune is on; "I'd like to solve the puzzle."
• I'm getting bored, maybe I should run faster. [ups the speed on the treadmill]
• This Nicki Minaj and Gucci "Shopaholic" cranks
• Running up hill is no joke... time to slow it down...wait not yet.
• I should blog about these random thoughts I'm having.
• Did that dude just look at my butt?  Seriously? LMAO
• ok, ok, ok, slowing the pace down now.
• [Answers BBM from Loe; arranges distance workout partners plan]
• Wow, I've been at this for almost 40 minutes?  I could go all night...or 5 more minutes O_o

I think there were more, but now that I've showered and I am hungry, etc, etc, etc, I can't recall.  

*no offense

** I later saw some eye-candy of note and so, this statement has less force.  Nonetheless, I thought it on the treadmill.

***Apparently they come in around 8. Note to self. 

In other news, Fitness Goal Update: Down like 2-3 lbs.  Measured body fat and got a 19.8 reading.  Pretty sure that's inaccurate as I was 25% 2-3lbs ago and 2-3lbs is less than 5% of my body weight.  Will do another reading tomorrow after I've rested and see what's good.

Totally Unrelated: I CAN NOT get this song out of my head.  It's sooo frickin' catchy. Shouts out to my baby sis for putting me on to Lady Gaga :) "Don't call my name, don't call my name, Alejandro..." WHO?  LMAO.

K, that's all. Bye.

Maybe it's not true what "they" say and A little color goes a long way...

It's been too long since I've blogged...as evidenced by the text I received last night stating "Update your blog."  And to that I say "you're welcome."... So here it goes.


First the necessary and obligatory Life Update:

1. I Graduated from Law School...with Distinction.  Cum Laude FTMFW!
2. As a result of said graduation, I now "Do What I Want."--- don't get mad if you hear or read that phrase innumerable times throughout the summer and possibly throughout the rest of my life. I've earned the right to say it so yeah....
3. Although somewhat extremely counterintuitive, I am currently living staying with my grandmother while studying for the N.C. Bar--PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENT AS I HAVE PLANS TO MOVE ON SEPT 1.  Also, don't let #3 confuse you as to the statement referenced in #2--that statement still applies :).
4. I'm taking BarBri to study for the Bar.  It sucks.  But you know me, I try to keep a positive outlook and so to that I say: At least I already know 50% of what I'm supposed to know for the MBE? O_o.  And that is all I have to say about that.

Ok, now that that's out of the way....

I took a brief hiatus from working out during the week prior to graduation and resumed said exercise last week by attending a Kickboxing class followed by a class called "Hardcore" at the Gold's Gym near my current residence.  Ummm let's just say I found the classes to be sub-standard, which leads to my conclusion that maybe it's NOT true what they say about "trying new things."  Kickboxing was fun, and I suppose a good transition back into working out from being lazy...but I wasn't sore the next day and I hadn't worked out in a WEEK!  Definitely should have been feeling something.  In any event, it made me think that taking up boxing doing boxing-inspired exercises might be fun way to get in wicked-awesome shape for my trip to Miami.  (I say boxing inspired, because there's no way in HELL I'm going to actually box someone. Not.Going.to.Happen.)

And as for "Hardcore"...well most people in the class had soft cores--also known as jelly bellies.  Now I don't mean to be rude but, WTF O_o?  If I'm coming to a class thats supposed to give me a hard core, and all of the attendees have no such core, I mean, that just makes me feel like something isn't right.  So yeah... wasn't thrilled with those classes.

But in Gold's defense, took a class called TBT--Total Body Toning--this past Saturday and it was AMAZING.  Maybe I was mostly enthralled with the instructor--an 80-ish-year-old woman in dance leotard and tights.  But don't be fooled, this woman was THE BOMB.  She told me she would help me "design my body," she was super hands-on and made sure I did all of the exercises correctly.  I can't even describe the nature of the class--we didn't use weights but the focus was non-cardiovascular, strength and toning.  I definitely plan to incorporate that class into my routine a few times a week (until my Golds vistor pass runs out, then I'm off to the Rush to use the FREE MONTH I won at the DVAC raffle a few months back.  FTW!)

...as an aside--I really miss yoga classes.  I need to get back into one ASAP.  

In other news, I don't know what the weather is like where you live, but where I live, it's kind of like summer--when it's not raining.  And summer=pool=TAN!  I have been in dire need of some bronzing that doesn't come from a powder, and I finally got some sun!  Ok, if I'm being honest, I have been working on my tan for a while now, with two trips to the beach prior to and right after school ended.  

In any event, I think my new darker hue definitely accentuates the "work" I've been doing to try to get a "sick bod".  Look:

 

  ...and yes, I am still working toward my fitness goals: -5% body fat.  I haven't taken my body fat measurement lately, so I don't have an update on that.  Coming soon I guess?... Let's be honest, it may take a while :)

"Workout Routine Fail" or "Sitting on the Couch all day is mind-numbing..."

So it turns out the more free time I have, the LESS actual stuff I get done during the day.  That seems so unfair.  The last almost-two-weeks I've been having a SERIOUS blast--visited the beach, best friends visited me.  Also, found the apartment of my DREAMS for next year.  All amazing things.  God loves me.

...But my workout routine pales in comparison.  I'm super bored with it, but haven't come up with anything new yet.  My recent stint of home-gym workouts has made me loathe the gym and all its accoutrement; my love for the scenic jogging trail behind my neighborhood has waned.  I still love yoga--that's never going to change--but my enthusiasm for rising from my slumber at 7 a.m. to salute the sun is less than notable these days.  WTF?  Yesterday I sat on the couch from like 10:45 am until about 7 pm--I only moved for food and snacks...and then to go out eating and drinking with my friends.  I passed up what was sure to be a PHENOMENAL Power Flow class at the little hippie yoga studio (yogagallery.net) to CONTINUE to sit on the couch...right.

The only answer is that doing nothing breeds nothingness.  I resolve that I will once again commence a consistent workout schedule...very soon.  I've created new fitness goals to foster this "return to glory" of sorts:

Goal 1: Some variation of six pack abs--I don't want "the six-pack abs."  As contrary as this may be, I tend to like the idea of some soft spots on my body.  I want a sick body, but not necessarily a hard body, ya know?

Think "Beyonce Abs"

...or Jillian Michaels Abs

But I also HATE, hate, HATE crunches.  I do them ALL wrong, it hurts my neck; they're bad news.  Luckily, my handy-dandy Women's Health Mag had this No-Crunch Abs workout in its most recent issue.  I tried it...once...last week (don't judge).  And my abs were definitely sore that evening, so I think it works.  I'm on my way to goal #1. FTW!

Goal 2:  I want to be between 18-20% body fat.  The lowest I've ever been is 18%.  I'm currently 25%...which is apparently categorized as "acceptable"...whatever that means.  But anyway, a body fat % goal seems better than a weight loss goal--even when they are technically the same thing (side eye).  So there it is--I'd like to lose between 5 and 7 percent of my total body fat.  I suppose this will call for cardio and interval training to "melt" the fat as well as "weight training" (read "yoga") to tone and strengthen.

The dates for these goals are two fold: 1--July 28--just in time for MIAMI!  and 2--LIFE--because I want to look amazing just in general.

...So I'm off the couch and back doing in the iYogi repertoire this a.m.  The Great Salute is calling... then maybe some freestyle, or an old standby--A Fine Balance... who knows.